5.17.2010

I want my brother to come back home.

I miss him :/

School is almost out.
Yay? Boo?
I'm not quite sure how I feel about that yet.

Boys are failures.
So are girls.
Everyone fails.

Except Alissa&Koffee.
They don't.

I wanna take a roadtrip next summer.
All over the country.
Anyone wanna join me?
idk why I say that like someone will respond.
I don't even think anyone reads these damn things.
But I don't mind.


Uhm.
Okay.
All of you asshole fuckers who keep treating me like I'm a slut and I'll hook up with you.
Yeah.
You need to fucking stop because uhhhhh I hate you?
I'm not a slut and I will definitely not hook up with you.
So stop saying shit like that too me.
Thanks.

p.s. I have a secret.
Wanna know it?
Ha. Well I'm not gonna tell you.


//screwyou.

5.07.2010

When my step-father was still my step-father, he would tell me that my mom was at the bar drinking because I made her miserabe.


//whatatruththatwas.

5.02.2010

11:11
Make a wish.

.......


I wonder how many times in a row I have to make the same wish before it comes true.


So it's a Sunday night.
And I still have two and a half pages to type for my late psychology report.
Lovely.

Unit math test on Thursday.
AP test on Friday.
Prom on Saturday.
Mother's Day on Sunday.
AP test on Wednesday.
Brother leaves on Thursday.
Depression will kick in Thursday night when I miss him.
Life = grand.
:


On the bright side
My room is very clean.
And rearranged.
Franklin and Donatello are still the best turtles ever.
They always listen to what I have to say.
And they don't ever complain.

Crap.
I have to pee again.
I hate this.
Why is my bathroom all the way downstairs?
Maybe I'll get more coffee while I'm down there.

I made more almond milk today.
I love it.
I am becoming more and more vegan as the days go by.
It makes me happy.
No one understands why I do it.
But that's okay.
At least I get it.

Secret: joiwlstcutmacmoomps.

No one will ever get that, so don't try.
I just needed to get it out there.

Sometimes I feel like this blog is totally pointless.
I know that no one reads it.
Maybe that's why I am so comfortable putting it up.
No one reads it even though they have the option to read it
And I am still putting my thoughts somewhere that isn't my poor migraine infested head.

Random fact: by my next birthday, I want three more ear piercings.
That'll make 12 total.
Which will be fun.

I really should concentrate.
Damn computer.


//didgoodtodaysorta.

4.01.2010

This is pretty much a collection of a zillion different thoughts going on in my head right now. There is no order to any of these. And it is all over the place...

I wonder what life would be like if it had worked out. I wish I remembered what it felt like to like someone a lot. To me, the ugliest people in the world are the people who have a beautiful appearance but a horrid personality. It is a complete waste. Prom. Gah. 16 days from now. How crazy. Junior year is almost over. Damn. Where did my childhood go? I don't rememb er it. I feel like I just started high school last week. Suddenly I am worrying about my stupid SAT score because I want it to be higher so I can get a better chance of getting in a great college.

You know what I REALLY don't understand?
How is it that most of the working population HATES their job?
Each one of those people had the opportunity to do WHATEVER they want,
as long as they worked towards it.
How is it that they can just ... give that up?
I don't understand.
Why would anyone not try their absolute hardest to be able to do something they are passionate about?
I always thought that if someone wanted something,
they would do what they could to get there.
That's what I'm doing at least.

I could fall asleep right now.
I am THAT tired.
It's crazy.
I have done absolutely nothing since I got home from the Extreme Thing Saturday night.
It is now 9:37 on Thursday night.
Tomorrow is my last day of Spring Break..
and all I have done is sit on my ass and watch TV.
It has been .. wonderful actually.
My room is relatively clean.
I just need to do laundry and vacuum.

These past few weeks have been like... break-up/together season.
I have heard of 983754968 and 2 couples breaking up
Then there are the other 498752938473 couples that have recently gotten together.

Random fact: My brother has some SUPER cute friends. He doesn't bring them around though.


Oh.
Another thing.
I don't know what I did to deserve to be treated like a whore, but I don't appreciate it.
So if all of you stupid asshole guys would stop talking to me like I'm your everyday slut, it would really make life a lot less annoying for me.
Kay?
Thanks.

Now I am in a terrible mood because my mind is going through a few things that I am chosing to not share.
So I am just gonna stop typing now.
Pretty pointless post.


//ickfatgross.

3.31.2010

I can find out my SAT scores at midnight.
This is one of the most nerve wrecking few hours of my life.
The worst part?
When it hits midnight I will probably be too afraid to check them.
Grr.
Usher is hot.
Just FYI.


Speaking of guys.
Why don't I like them very easily?
It makes life super difficult.
Well.
No.
That's a lie.
It makes life easier.
Just more annoying I suppose.
Whateverr.
It's just my luck that when I meet that rare guy who I like,
it ends before it really starts.
LOVELY.
My head hurts.
I hate it when my head hurts.
Damn.
Usher is soo freakin hot.
Like wth.
Not fair.
My shirt has a turtle on it.
School is over in 8ish weeks.
huh.
I'm tired of people telling me what I am going to do.
You're stupid.
I'll do what I want to do.
You telling me what I am going to do makes me want to do the opposite.
So stop.
I have to go.
My laptop is gonna die.

Secret: I don't like you.
Peace Out Cub Scouts.

//inmyhead.

3.24.2010

Ugh.

I went to Prom last year.
And -guess what- I'm going again this year.
Lovely.
Don't get me wrong, I want to go.
There's just a lot I have to decide now.
FML.



This is freakin stupid.
//Ihateprom.

3.21.2010

You are going to regret not giving up.





//frustratedsickfat

3.17.2010

I don't understand.
You probably aren't even telling the truth.





//IwannarunbutIfeellikeshit.

3.12.2010

You need to leave me alone.

Right now.

I'm pretty sure you know who you are.
If you don't, you're stupid.
Then again, you won't know you're stupid because you don't know that I am talking about you.

SATs tomorrow.
Not excited.
I've been reading my test prep book all week.
But I'm not sure how well I'm going to do on it.
I'm worried to be honest.

I don't really have a lot to say.
I haven't blogged in a monthish.
But my mind is kind of blank.
Not a lot going on.
Except freaking out.

Prom is in .. a few weeks.
A monthish.
April 17th.
I have a dress.
I've had a dress since last year.
It's the same dress I wore at the prom I went to as a sophomore.
Only smaller..
But I don't know if I want to go.
Actually, I do know.
I don't really want to go.
But that's how I feel right now.
Maybe its cause I did all this last year.
It's really exhausting...

Grr.
I graduate in 465 days.
Yippeee.
..
I've never said that before.
In my life.
How strange.
I'm at Alissa's.
Without Alissa of course.
... I think I am gonna make her take me for ice cream tonight.
I'll pay. I just want some :]
A lot!

Secret: You made me smile like :D today. Feel accomplished.

I gotta continue studying.
Wish me luck.

//deathbySAT

2.15.2010

Secret: Feeling helpless is the worst pain that I've ever felt.


I really hate that I can't make things better for you.
It kills me to know that I am giong to have the same feeling again.
No matter how many years away I have it, it will still be too soon to feel again.

Only good people die young.

I've got two theories on that.

Theory One) If given enough time, everyone proves that they are just as terrible as the next person. It just so happens that the good people who die young just aren't given enough time to show how truly terrible they are. They could be the worst of the worst. But no one will ever know that. Because the good die young.

or

Theory Two) The world is a fucked up place.


I'm leaning more towards Theory Two. But that one just kind of kills all hope I have ever had in the world. Then again, hoping that the first one is the one holding all the truth isn't exactly happy happy joy joy either.

But I feel like it is better to think of that one rather then the latter.


Wish: I just wish I was out of college and working with kids. Because then I know that I'll be making a difference and I'll be helping people out.

//ohthepossibilites

2.06.2010

Wow.

That hurt a lot more than I expected it too.




//ohwell.

1.26.2010

Being in pain is no fun.
I'm not sure if everyone knows that or not,
so I figured I would tell everyone who didn't know.

I am a Clark Charger now.

It is freakin amazing.
I am happy again.
It is a brilliant concept.
I wake up and I am not dreading the school day.
I am actually looking forward to it.
I love it.

I have a teddy bear from Build-a-Bear.
His name is Andy and he kinda looks like the Snuggle bear.
He is my new attachment.
I walk around my house like a little girl with him.
And I sleep with him at night.

Currently.
I am looking up controversal issues.
I need to adopt one as mine for my AP Lang&Comp class.
I just don't know which one to pick.

I am not allowed to use:
Abortion
Gay Marriage
The War in Iraq
or any other over used topics.

...
Can I use gay couples adopting children??
Because I have always been interested in that..
What about Ethics of Eating Meat.
That could be perfect for me, being that I am a Vegetarian.

I just had dinner.
It was good.
Vegetables. :]

I really don't understand how Vegetarianism is a contraversal issue.
It isn't effecting other people, only the person who is taking on Vegetarian ways.


Random Fact:
I am addicted to Sex and the City & to Friends. :]
I need to finish an essay.


//istillwishthesamewishes.

1.16.2010

You turn 17 in 5 days.

Stupid, annoying, idiotic, niave, pathetic little girl.
Stop right now.
It's not going to happen.

//thanksforthememories

1.12.2010

I don't know why my chest suddently feels so heavy.
And why I can suddenly not breathe very well..
But I am going to guess that isn't a good thing?
Yeah... probably a good guess.

Today is Tuesday.
Tomorrow is Wednesday.
The following is Thursday.
Which is generally how the standard week works if I'm not mistaken.
Correct me if I am wrong.
Anyways.
Thursday = My last day at Spring Valley.
Thank goodness.

Next Tuesday I start at Clark.
Who knows how that will work out.
I'm hoping very well.
Alissa and Melinda seem very excited. :]
Then again, I don't know who else would be... hah.
I'm thrilled.
I can not wait to be happy at school again.
Hopefully that'll be happening starting next Tuesday.
My birthday is the Thursday after that.
Hmm.
Thursday seems to be an important day.
I will be 17.
FINALLY.
I have been waiting to be 17 my entire life :]
I don't think I am going to do anything for my birthday.
I'm not much of a Hey! let's celebrate Sidney's exsistance! type of girl.
Just give me a hug and wish me a happy birthday and I'll be happy.

Will someone please tell me where this I'm not in a talkative happy smiley mood thing came from?
Well. I could actually tell you.
But I don't think I will.
Just because that is how much I wanna share..

Wow.
Realization: thinking through all my blogs,
You can't really tell what kind of person I am.
Except.. random and crazy.
You don't really learn anything from reading my blogs.
How strange.
Isn't blogging supposed to be about the blogger who is blogging?
Well my blogs are about me.
But you don't really learn much about me..
Except the important stuff..
Like my awesome turtles and new schools.
Hmm.
Okay.

I think I am done now.
I am too lazy to keep talking about what is currently going on in my head.
I'm wearing Melinda's red sweat pants.
They are very comfortable.

Kay.
Leaving now.

//tell me something to make me happy again.

1.07.2010

I feel very sick to my stomach.
My muscles hurt really bad.
My eyes don't want to stay open.
I start at Clark High School on January 19
I won't be in the magnet program.
But I'll be happy.
So who cares.


I have homework.

//don't do it.

1.05.2010

Arbor View doesn't want me.
I shouldn't have left.




//fuckmylife

1.01.2010

Well this is weird.
It's 12:28AM and I am watching Green Day perform is Los Angelos..
I think..
It's 2010.
I am sad actually.
My life is going by way to quickly.
I don't like this at all.

This time last year..
I was dating this guy.
We had a great time together..
And to be honest.. I'm not exactly sure why we ended.
But we did.
I'm pretty sure we were both okay with it too.
I was dying this month on my birthday. Well, the day before my birthday. I was coughing a lot. And I collapsed multiple times in the hallways from coughing a lot. Patrick was worried. I miss Patrick. He lives with the potatoes now.
February..
Wasn't February just a GREAT month?
Lots of things happened then..
There's that one thing with the apples.
And that other thing with the grain alcohol.
Valentines day was exciting.
Wanna know what I did?
Well you see, mommy dearest was in Mexico with her boyfriend. So Michelle and I hopped on a city bus and didn't get off until it was telling us that we were at our last stop. We ended up at the bus depot down town. Neither of us had any freakin idea how to get home. And it was 11:30ish at night. Lovely. I remember that night being freezing cold. Cops came and told us that they wanted us on the next bus back up to our neck of the woods. Not because we were doing something wrong, cause they were worried for our safety. Nice cops.
March.
LOL. Michelle turned 16 that month.. the night before her party I met this guy.
That is a night I still laugh about. Her party was quite interesting too..
When you put a bunch of teenagers in a room together with Truth or Dare Jenga, girls start taking off their shirts, people kiss the people to there right, and boys start cross dressing.
March was also that very interesting night at that one kids house when his parents were out of town. That was a funny night too. Word to the wise: Ready whip&belly buttons&Corona do not mix well.. So just keep all that stuff separated. Kay? Also, you know that REALLY embarrassing haiku you wrote in first grade that you put on a cut out of some picture? Yeah. Hide that thing like it is the most sacred thing in your life. Because your intoxicated friends will find it. Even if that means they look through boxes in your garage on the top shelf... :D
April.
Ahh. April was my month of leisurely. I went to Mexico one weekend. That was so much fun. I saw a shooting star. I did make a wish on it too. I still remember the wish I made. Then the following weekend was Spring Break. I went to Provo, Utah that week. On a Greyhound bus. With my older brother. There was a woman with diabetes on there. She walked up to this other woman and said Do you have diabetes too?! Hours later I was in Provo. With my best friends in the world. The four of us went to prom together. That was so much fun. We looked friggin hot. On the bus ride back down to Vegas, some 20 year old gave me his mood ring. I don't know why. Dane says he was hitting on me. Whateverr. Freak..
May.
May was a good month too. I started dating this other guy. He is wonderful. I miss him. I haven't seen him in a few months. But we talk all the time. I spent a lot of May at Michelle's. I went to Disneyland for the first time ever. Alissa, her mommy, Melinda, and i went down there to surprise Quinnie for her 16th birthday. We sang our girl scout troop song outside her front door at 10 o'clock at night in her very very quiet neighborhood. We cried when seh came outside. that was fun. I painted Alissa's toe nails in the middle of Disneyland... I never got my nail polish back form Marci either... I loved that color. May kinda flew by in anticipation for me leaving in June. Gah. I hate June.
June.
I hate June. That boy and I broke up in June. Again, we're still really close. I tell him a lot. Peter, Alex, and Justin threw me in Justin's pool in June too. Assholes. That was cold. I am not pleased by this. Still. It took me the rest of the day to warm up! I should be used to that though.. they do that EVERY time Justin has a pool party. Weirdos. Why is it always me?? Grr. My grandparents came to my house in June. I miss them. I left for my daddy's in June too. That was a very sad day at the airport. I cried. Michelle cried. I don't think my mommy cried though..
July.
July is a blur. I remember the 4th.. I spent like a total of 3ish hours on the phone with my mommy. Oh! I got arrested in July too. That was hilarious. Cop cars are very uncomfortable. And 10foot fences are not easy for cops to hop. Just for future reference to any of you who need a quick get away. Also, if you get the cop I had, he'll give your Aunt & Uncle [or who ever he is handing you over too] a good report about how you are a great kid and are very respectful and that they shouldn't be too angry at you for coming home at 12:30 at night in the back of an Algonquin police car. Then you, your brother, and your cousin will go in the basement and laugh at how weird your night was. Two days later though.. I did something very nice for my family. all on my own. Wait.. No. I texted this one kid at 4 in the morning. I don't know why I chose him to text. But it was nice to have someone there for me. I learned something that day. I can handle a lot more than I ever thought I could. All on my own. It's amazing being a 16 year old parent to my mother.
August.
I think August is the worst month on the history of the planet. It is never a good month for me. Ever. This past August, at the time, was pretty great. I spent a lot of time at Clark Highschool with Alissa and Melinda setting up for the stupid incoming freshmen. A very big secret was formed in August too. I liked that secret at the time. Now it's just whatever to me. I got new shoes with my mommy in August. That was nice. I started at a new highschool in August. Arbor View. My first day there I was so damn nervous that I couldn't even write my own name cause my hand was shaking so bad. It was terrible. It turned out okay though. I loved that school by the end of the day. I still do.
September.
I swear.. I lived alone in September. My brother was back with my dad. And my mom was off with her boyfriend all the time. I really had no one at my house at all. So I made my friends come over whenever they wanted too. I'm pretty sure I was thrown in another pool in September also.. Jakey is mean. That secret from August carried on into September.. I enjoyed the secret then too. I found out that I was moving into a new house in September too. That was a huge ass shock. I really didn't know what to think. My secret blew up in my face at the end of September. That was.. difficult.
October.
I don't think I will ever go to another homecoming dance. I didn't go to one in 2009. But I don't think I will ever go to another one. I started at a new school in October too. Spring Valley. I hated it from day one. Still do. Also.. I don't think I will ever go to another one of Aaron's parties. FML. But I did meet this one kid the day of the party. He's pretty perfect. Just sayin. The party itself... I should kill Melinda for letting her and those other two boys talking me into going to it. Meanie heads. The weekend after the party, Alissa, Melinda, and I went to Disneyland again. On our way to Disneyland, to entertain ourselves, we started sending lyrics to that one boy that I met the day of Aaron's party. He didn't have two of our numbers, and OF COURSE, I got stuck with all the suggestive lyrics to text him. But it was funny. We still laugh about it. Alissa and I are amazing at stalking cute boys in Disneyland. Also, if you go to Disneyland and see a bunch of the kids from your former school, let me know so we can exchange stories and tell each other how truly weird it is to see a bunch of people you know while you are out of state.
November.
I'm not quite sure when our escapades started, but Alissa and I went on multiple in November. They were all very fun too. I continued to text that one boy from the Disneyland trip and the party. My mommy and her boyfriend went to Mexico for 5 days also. I don't even remember what I did those days.. But I am pretty sure I wasn't home for the majority of them. Which is kinda how I always am anyways. I am home as little as possible. I was on the phone for the longest I've ever been on the phone on Thanksgiving night. Six and a half hours. Freakin nuts. I don't know how two people can talk for so long. It was with the boy from the day of the party and the Disneyland texting. The very next day though, I had the stomach flu. Oh my goodness. Worst experience and waste of a Friday of my life. I went to a concert with a kid this month too. That was totally spur of the moment. Him and I haven't talked in awhile. He's a sweetheart. I hope he is doing well and I hope Mr. Cox Cable is treating him well.
December.
This has probably been the best month out of the year. That one boy from the trip and party and I hung out. Finally. For the first time since the party. That was exciting. I smiled a lot. I've spent most of these past few months with Alissa and Melinda and who ever happens to be with us. Alissa and I went to Sadies together. The day after Sadies I went to another concert with another boy. He is super sweet too. I hope he is doing well. The first week of winter break was pretty amazing. It started off with hanging out with the same boy from the party, Disneyland texting, phone call, and earlier in the month. I was kissed under a mistletoe. First time I've ever been kissed under one. I would say that it was pretty perfect. Later that night, I went to the Drive-in with Melinda and the boys. We saw The Princess and The Frog and A Christmas Carol. That was a fantastic night. One of my favorites ever. Christmas Eve came. And Melinda, Alissa, the boys, and I went to Opportunity Village. My first time there. It was a pretty grand experience I would have to say. Lots of lights.. And people with cameras. And a sled :]
And now it's January 1, 2010.
I'm sitting in my bedroom at my daddy's house. On my brand new laptop. My birthday is in 20 days. I will be 17. 17 without a permit. Lovely, huh? I haven't even made New Years Resolutions. I don't think I have any. Well. Of course I have some. Well okay. Here.

New Years Resolutions:
1. Get into University of Washington in Seattle
2. Get my liscense
3. Be happy.

Resonable enough, right?
So I just decided that this is way to long. And that I need to stop talking.
Goodnight.

//HappyNewYear