10.19.2009

Well firstly:
If I get a C in my history class, I am going to cry. No joke.
Tears. Streaming down my face. Sob probably.
Anyways.

Wanna know something that is probably not to healthy?
When I even remotely think about being in a relationship,
I feel like I'm about to get sick. Why???
Uhm. I'm not so sure. But my stomach gets all gross feeling
and I start to feel super d i z z y and the world kinda starts spinning a little bit.
Then I start s h a k i n g and feeling super nervous.... hmm.
Which, again, probably isn't all that healthy.
Well I guess it isn't a terrible thing.
At least we all know that I won't be getting hurt anytime soon.
Yay.
Then again.. it isn't JUST relationships.
It's being with any guy in anyway other than friends.
Anotherwords; hook ups aren't sitting so well with my body either.
But that isn't a bad thing because I hate hookups.
With a fiery burning passion.

Anywhooooo. On to my next thing to rant about.
Why do some girls where pants soo freakin tight that they can't even bend their knee in.
seriously. What is the point of even WEARING THE PANTS??!
Sweetheart; we all know you're skinny, but I am concerned for your breathing status sometimes.


Ermmm...

Friday is my last day at Arbor View.

D:

d e p r e s s i o n .

Meh. I guess I really don't have much to talk about right now.
I could tell you a secret.
But I don't think I'm gonna.
Well.. Idk. Maybe I will.
. . .

Kay I will.

secret: damn.. what was it.. .
well too bad. I forgot it.
OH OH OH. I remember.
secret: I really wanted to do it.

Ha.
You just don't know what it is :]]
Peacee<3.

//frustration.

10.15.2009

hmm;


to you:
I love you.
I miss you.
I'm sorry about that one thing a week or so ago.
I trust you with everything.

to you:
No matter how much you hurt me,
Every single day,
I still feel so much better when I hug you.

to you:
I love you.
Karma sucks.
Word.

to you:
I love you.
You need to start thinking about
people other than yourself.

to you:
I trust you with everything.
Thank you.
<3.

to you:
I need you to come back.
Right....now.
Please.

to you:
Thank you.
Behave.

to you:
I hate you.
Go blow up and die.

to you:
Go be best friends with the
person mentioned above.
And make sure you are part of the blowing up
and dying.
Thanks.

to you:
If only I knew.

to you:
Although you can make me smile
I know it's all just for one reason.
So lets save the drama
And forget about it.


countdowns:
6 school days left at AVHS.
11 days until I start at SVHS.
15 days until I go to Disneyland.
612 days until I graduate.
108 days until I turn 17.
71 days until Christmas.
12 days until my brother is home.

//everything she does it beautiful.

10.10.2009

Right now.
I am very frustrated with 98% of my friends.
To the point where I don't even know why I do so much to help everyone out.

No; this is not all just one person. It's a ton of people.
I talk on the phone for hours into the night
I rearrange all of my plans to accomodate you
I don't tell your secret
I make sure no one knows about what happened with you
I support your decisions
I don't call you out on being a dick
I help you when you are really stressed out
I don't tell anyone about that one thing
I don't ever yell at you
I don't show you that I get mad for what you do
I come to help you whenever you need me
I let you blame me for anything
I get you out of shit situations
I make sure you get your stuff done
I don't tell that one person what an ass you're being.
I smile everyday and act like I don't do anything for any of you
When really; I make my life harder just to make sure all of you are as happy as I can make you.

And, just to protect your happiness, I'm not going to ever let you know.
Ever.
Because that's the kind of person I am.
I center my life around making all of you happy
And I am going to keep it that way
Because I'd rather it be me that gets all of this shit to deal with than any of you.

I'm complaining because I need to complain.
And I know I bring this all on myself,
But sometimes I need something to vent to also.



//termpaperdue.

10.04.2009

I feel like I am being completely avoided todayy.
You didn't answer my text.
You didn't seem to friendly towards me today.
You.. idk.
My room .. is so empty. It's weird. I don't understand how people can have nothing on their bedrrom walls.
It's soo.. barren. And cold. I can't deal with it.

Anywhoo.
Decision Sidney made today:
I'm done. Over. Finished. Peace out.
It's not worth my time. I have turned the switch off.

I love how I can do that with my feelings most of the time.
Just flip them on and off.
It's an amazing talent that I believe people acquire through lots of practice.
Which. I do believe I've had.

Uhmm.

I have a lot of things I want to say to people....
But I'm not going to say it.
Cause what I really want to say to people would probably make me a lot of enemies.
Soo I think it might be best to keep all these thoughts on the inside.

I've had a crap week. And I am really glad that it's over.
And to tell you the truth.
I'm am thrilled that I am going to be moving.
It's like.. a new start.
Clean slate. Again.
New house. New school [again]. New people. New boys. New drama. New pillows :D.
I can't wait for my move to be final. To be settled.
I hate being so all over the place.
I've always been al over the place.
My entire life.
I just can't wait to be done moving.
And to be settled with my almost brother, my mommy's boyfriend, my mommy, and my brother<3.>

Anyways.
My wrist hurts. I killed it moving today. Lovely, right?
I'm leaving everyone with a secret.
Then I'm outt.


Secret: I don't ever believe someone when they promise me something. And I seem to trust someone less with everyone promise they make. Stop making them; I'm tired of everyone lying to me.

/plain walls.